The Parody of the Century
by BlackTippedRose
Summary: [[ON HOLD]] Living proof why you never let two parodymakers write a story together. Just for giggles. It's OOC, has Erik's kid, Cameos, crossovers and an AntiPhan. So, if you want to read something randomly funny, click here! Half authored by Supergirrl.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **We don't own it. We only own Rose, Dominique, and the Giry clones.

Yes, this is a combined parody, created by the infamous Supergirrl and BlackTippedRose.

Have you ever wondered what would happen if an Anti-Phan and Erik's daughter taught a class on writing together? I'm sure you secretly have. Just like you have secretly put me on your hitlist.

When you see that little break in the story, that is where Supergirrl's writing ends, and mine begins. But you definatly need to read both.

(Set when Erik and Christine are married).

Broadwaygirl; you'd better watch your back. We're aiming for your title.

ENJOY!!

**0o0o0o0o0o**

The class of students, all seated at their desks, were chatting happily amongs themselves until the teacher walked into the room.

The second Dominique Destler strode through the doors, the room became silent. Their teacher was intimidating, tall with long black hair and green eyes that glittered dangerously over the black veil that obscured her lower face, and wore a black cape over a dress so dark it was almost black. Her steps were long and almost like a cat's, with an air of pride and deep disdain for those around her.

In short, Dominique was the spitting image of her father, and had a temper to match. Not a teacher to mess with, that was certain.

Once she reached the front of the classroom, Dominique turned and surveyed the students before her with an annoyed look in her eye. They cringed as she opened her mouth, and said, "These are the morons I must work with, and teach? Standards for writers are low these days. Anyways, here are the rules."

The pessimistic teenager grabbed a piece of chalk lying on the little chalk rim and began to write things in an elaborate, flowing script that no one could read. After breaking several pieces of chalk-Dominique wrote with an intensity that implied that each piece of chalk had done her a great personal wrong- she picked up what looked like a small version of Madame Giry's cane, and hit the board with it repeatedly as she recited the rules," Rule one, you don't look at my veil. Rule two; you don't talk about my veil. Rule three; you do not touch my veil. Rule four-"

An unfortunate student raised his hand and said," Um, ma'am, is it okay if we think about your veil?"

In the small room that held the TVs showing what the closed-circuit cameras placed in the classrooms were recording, Christine dropped her head into her hands. "She's going to kill him."

Erik was absentmindedly writing down whatever musical notes popped into his head on his desk by the TVs, and said in a voice that made him sound in the general neighborhood of sane, which was an unusual occurrence, "Relax, honey, it'll be fine. Dominique is a smart girl, I'm sure she won't do anything rash. Mark my words, it'll all work-"

She grabbed Erik's head and turned it towards the screen. He watched with a shudder as Dominique Punjabbed the unlucky student, and performed a shorter, slightly modified version of Strange Than You Dreamt It, while the rest of the class watched on, horrified.

"Then again, I have been known to make mistakes."

Christine groaned. "Rose, I thought we agreed no weapons for Dominique."

Rose, the other teacher, was lounging in a recliner chair, playing a Gameboy with creepy, unblinking concentration. Without looking up, she replied in a bored tone, "Tell you what, you can tell Miss Anger Management Issues that she's not allowed to have weapons at school, and you get to take them away from her. See, I like life, and don't want to die in my prime because of a homicidal disfigured maniac. Major offense, Erik."

He looked incredibly miffed, and said," Much taken," but didn't kill her because Christine was in the room.

Rose shrugged. "Why don't you take away her Punjab? She'll listen to you."

Erik snorted with laughter. "I have a fifty-fifty chance of her listening to anything I say. She hit that rebellious streak, and I lost all control."

"Oh, well. Oh, high score!" She seemed happy again.

Christine dropped her head on her desk, resisting the urge to bang it over and over again. She was stuck with her homicidal daughter, her husband who took great pride in her homicidal daughter, and a nine-year old who hated her husband with a passion. What was a ditzy soprano to do?

Christine used her only option:

She called in the reinforcements.

Madame Giry clones, stolen from Cape Swooshing, were on stand-by in the surrounding hallways. With a touch of a button depicting a large cane, Girys stormed the classroom, all carrying canes loaded with tranquilizer darts. Flashing their IDs that revealed them as double-00s at the students, one came up from behind Dominique and with a single well-aimed shot, nailed her in the back with a dart.

Dominique pulled out her Punjab-

And was hit with another dart, this one from the front. Spinning around to Punjab this clone, another one got her from the side, then another, and another.

Soon she had upwards of five darts in various parts of her skinny body, and after several half-hearted twirls, she collapsed onto the ground, unconscious.

The Giry clones, with some effort, lifted her and began to carry her out of the classroom. The stunned students stared at the body of the dead boy who had dared speak to the Lady Phantom about her veil with horrified expressions, until the clones draped a blanket over his body and picked him up.

"You saw nothing," the Giry carrying the lifeless body whispered, backing out of the room slowly.

Christine, visibly relieved that they had managed to subdue Dominique without further casualties, wiped the sweat from her pale brow.

"Rose, I think you'll have to take over the rest of this class."

Rose stood without looking up from the Gameboy she was frantically playing.

"Yes ma'am, Mrs. Destler," She said as she began to exit the room.

Christine sighed, "Rose, not with the Gameboy."

Rose groaned, seeming very upset as she tossed it at Christine, who caught it and handed it to her husband.

"You're a genius, you should be able to play one stupid game of Tetris."

She regretted giving it to him when he refused to eat or sleep for a until he beat the game.

--------

All of the students, having been scarred for life from Dominique's lesson, were cowering. When the door opened, the ex-girlfriend of the punjabbed boy began crying.

But they didn't see anyone come in.

They were all confused until a bunch of phonebooks were dropped onto the ground, and a very small child climbed on top of them, using the Dominique cane to balance herself.

And boy were they surprised.

She was a little kid. Just some little, nine-year-old child. Her hair was long, almost to her scrawny waist, light brown and streaked with gold. Her dress was white, to her ankles, and she had a white cape, too. She looked out curiously to the class with large, sparkling ivy eyes. Unlike her partner, she had the air of someone slightly klutzy, overly cheerful, and very fragile. Her name was Rose, and she was a rare breed. She was one of the three only Anti-Phans.

Actually, when she walked in, the sun outside got brighter, and little flowers sprouted where she walked.

Wow. It's amazing what Tetris can do to you.

She suddenly smiled, which severely creeped many of them out. They weren't ready for happy.

"Hi!"

Silence.

The 9-year-old teacher frowned. "I'm Rose. Sorry about Dominique, she's now back in her little asylum, getting scolded by Erik. At least, I think she is. I think Erik might congratulate her…" she trailed off, then smiled again.

"How many of you like Erik?"

All the girls and gay guys in the room slowly rose their hands. She frowned a little.

"Erik sucks." Rose then turned around to face the blackboard, causing many jaw-drops.

"You guys know Dominique's rules, but here are mine." She picked up a piece of chalk, dropped it, and frowned. Dominique had broken all the pieces of chalk besides that one. Quickly, she crawled off the phonebooks, got the piece of chalk, climbed back on, and in very sloppy chicken-scratch, wrote quickly.

"1: You will not ask me if I have parents. 2: You will not ask me if I am some sort of fairy, pixie, or otherwise unnaturally happy creature. 3: There will be no Erik worshiping in here. 4: You will not feed me sugar. 5: You don't ever write slash. 6:-"

"Why can't we write slash? It's funny!" spoke up a student in the front. Rose turned, her happy exterior fading instantly.

"If you write slash, I'll bring Dominique back in here to teach it to you."

They all silenced again. The small teacher smiled once again. "I bet you're all good at writing!"

"What are you, the alter ego of Dominique?" the same student demanded.

"Is that a problem?"

They all shook their heads. It was a definite improvement from the homicidal teacher.

In the other room, Erik was gaping at the smiling, happy teacher insulting him. "Darling, can we get rid of her?"

Christine, who was sitting next to her daughter and softly brushing her hair (Dominique was obviously still sedated), looked over at the child in the room.

"No! She's such a sweet little girl."

"She's teaching people to hate me!"

"But Erik, love, she's just a little child. You can't harm her," Christine was now braiding Dominique's hair, who was just barely out of the sedation and sending desperate looks to her father. She ever so slowly lifted her right arm and tried to sneak it behind her mother to grab the Punjab. Christine smacked her hand down.

"I say we kill her, then burn the body," Dominique mumbled, rubbing her hand. Her mother frowned and hugged her daughter, causing a twitch and muffled scream.

"Sweetie, you mustn't think such harsh thoughts."

Dominique sent her father another look, on the verge of attacking her mother, but Erik shook his head.

But when Christine handed her daughter Rose's CosmoGIRL magazine, she snapped. She tore it into little itsy bitsy shreds, then pulled her emergency match out of her pocket, struck it against the wall, lit the shreds on fire, and watched them be reduced to ashes. Then she went back to glaring at her father.

"I thought I told you to make sure she was unhappy, so she wouldn't be like this when she came in."

"She was unhappy!" Erik snapped, receiving a look from his wife.

"That's because she's _always _unhappy around you, Papa."

"Aww, Dommi, you ruined your little friend's book!" Christine said suddenly, noticing the little black remains.

And that was the worst thing that could have been said.

"Little friend!" she exclaimed shrilly. "Little friend?! I don't even like the stupid kid! I'm just stuck teaching with her!" Dominique sucked in a deep breath, altering her voice to be high, squeaky, and childish.

"Look at me, I'm some little kid named Rooossee. I'm all rainbows and butterflies, and I think the world is a wonderful place!" Dominique went back to her real voice, growling curses under her breath.

"And never, ever, _ever _call me Dommi."

**0o0o0o0o0**

**A/N: **Love it? Hate it? Want us to delete it? xD Too bad. We're going to try and keep it.

Any ideas for the story? Review, people. You know we love them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **We still don't own it.

And yes. At the moment, I (BTR) will write the pre-story chatty thing, and then Supergirrl will write the post-story chatty thing. Next chapter it will be switched.

If you have a stupid moment, the easiest way to tell our writing apart is this: Supergirrl spells punjab with a capital P. I do not.

Supergirrl: Punjab.

BlackTippedRose: punjab.

After a long and hard debate (Me: Shall we make it a cameo? Supergirrl: Yes. Cameo good), we have decided to make this a cameo story. So if you review, you're a student.

Note: If Dominique kills/mauls/punjabs/tortures/or harms you in anyway…don't sue us.

And now I thank the reviewers. PS: I'm bribing you into reviewing. If you review chapter one, but not chapter two, you will be killed off in chapter two. So make sure to review every chapter! xD

**Brita (Moriko Csove Doyle): **I have no idea why they were allowed to create. But yes, this is a cameo, and you will be a student.

**Supergirrl: **Ha. And no, it isn't pathetic, because it is half mine and technically posted by moi, even though it's also half yours.

I only got Dommi's personality because of FFD, plus I just studied your half reeeaalllyy well.

As of this moment, we have…38 hits.

**The Child Writing Prodigy: **Nice name. And yes, you'll be a student. You like Dommi? That's very good to hear!

**Gerikslover (Kloolk): **Uhh…o.0 All threats will be forwarded to Supergirrl. : ) It's harder to kill her.

**Luckii.Jinx: **She doesn't like her because, I believe, Dommi was abandoned by her mum, who stayed with the Fop.

Yay it's good!

**Serey: **They like it! Up there with FQ? Wow. I consider FQ my best work, so that's a heavy compliment!

**Vengeance: **Ha. It does. Except one of them has a sword, and the other has rope.

**FemmeLoki: **Oh, it was genetic alright. You should see her face! It's all ugly and deformed and-

-screams and punjabbing in background-

Um. Yes. Read the story, please.

**0oo0o0o0o**

The class was realitivly small. Now that many students had fled due to the punjabbing, the Giry clone attacks, and many screams coming from down the hall in a small TV room, there were only seven students left.

Of course, the class was still open to new students, but those are the seven that were brave enough to stay.

Rose was currently scanning her notebook-turned-planner, looking for today's lesson.

"I think this entire place is insane. Our teachers are either sparkle-sparkle or death-to-the-world," The Child Writing Prodigy whispered to Brita, who nodded.

"Have any of you ever written anything?" Rose said suddenly, gaining all their attention again.

Everyone but FemmeLoki and Vengeance rose their hands.

"Why haven't you two written anything?"

"We can't write," both answered in meloncholy tones, obviously bored with the class.

"By the end of the class, you'll be able to write! Or at least write parodies!"

Dominique, in the little TV room, dropped her jaw.

"She's teaching them to write pointless parodies? That's it- I'm killing her." She stood and went to the door, but was swiftly cut off by her father.

She seemed shocked that Erik was going to stop her from killing the Anti-Phan.

"I'm coming with you to help," The Phantom of the Opera said, and his daughter smirked. But before they could leave the room…

"Erik! Dominique!"

They had obviously forgotten about Christine and Giry Clones 1-3 in the room with them. The two turned to stare at the four angry people.

"But Chrissy, honey-"

"Don't 'Chrissy honey' me, Erik! I will not allow you to kill random little girls!"

Erik frowned and looked down to his daughter, who gave him secret signals with her creepy green eyes.

Then he smiled again, slowly walking in front of his daughter and slipping her something.

"Oh, fine then, Christine. So I guess that I'll just have to sit back down…slowly…and OPENTHEDOORANDLETDOMINIQUEOUT!!" Erik spoke the last part of his sentence so quickly that many people had to re-read it a few times to see what he was saying. But as he said it, he threw the door open and Dominique scampered out…holding Rose's gameboy.

Rose, oblivious to the fate of her precious toy, was still teaching the class and writing on the blackboard.

"Parodies must always be funny. Bashing of the characters is always enjoyed, but some people seem to not enjoy if you go to a new limit and completely insult them. So only bash Raoul to death."

The students were quickly scribbling down notes, nodding at whatever she said.

"Most parodies, unless they are perfect the way they are, can always be spiced up by adding cameos. Plus, it makes the reviewers happy! And happy reviewers is the main goal of writing parodies. Now, on that note, I will tell you the secret to writing fantastic parodies. It is-"

But before Rose could tell the amazingly amazing secret, the door was thrown open to reveal the evil-smiling Dominique. You could tell she was smiling because it reached her eyes, which twinkled with the message: I'm going to kill you painfully and slowly.

"Well, there goes my Teachers-Are-The-Same-Person theory," Serey mumbled. Kloolk, who was a desk across, shot her a look.

"How could they be the same person?"

"Well, they could be like, internal opposites. After the Giry clones shot Dominique, the toxions could have brought out her other half, which would be Rose." Serey nodded at her own theory. Kloolk gave her the stupid look.

"That's…a very weird theory. But it could have been true."

"NO SPEAKING!" Dominique thundered to two talking students, looking ready to punjab them. But then Rose crossed her arms and cleared her throat, her happy having vanished from the encounter of her, erm, enemy.

"Dommi, it's my turn to teach. I'll be done in a minute."

You could see the corner of Dominique's eye twitch. She held out the item she had gotten from her father, the gameboy, and extended it towards Rose.

Rose's smile instantly vanished.

"You tried my patience, little girl. Now you pay for it."

Then Dominique smashed the gameboy into the ground, shattering it into a thousand pieces.

------

There was absolute silence for a moment as everyone stared at the shattered remains of the Gameboy. Rose's tiny hands clenched and unclenched into fists, her young face contorted with rage that seemed inhuman and unlike her.

Suddenly, she realized something, and a strange calm washed over her face, causing her to relax.

Dominique's eyes widened with shock. Why was the little girl not attacking her?

Smiling in an almost creepy manner, Rose bent down and reached below the desk, and pulled out several photographs. She tossed them, and using her powers as writer as this fic, they floated across the room and landed at Dominique's booted feet.

She bent, picking one up, then gave a little shriek. She dropped it, and began to move towards Rose quickly, hissing, "You're gonna pay, shortie."

Dominique's Punjab was in hand when the rest of the class saw the photo.

It showed a picture of Dominique's precious cats, all seven of them, trapped in a tiny room, clearly trying to escape.

Rose was in trouble. Big trouble. As the new managers and various patrons of the Opera Populaire knew, making the Lady Phantom angry was a very bad idea that generally resulted in people being found dead or ominous threats signed with the initials "O.G."

Fortunately for Rose, Christine had entered the room, figured out what was going on, and tackled Dominique to the floor. Tailing her was a Giry clone, armed with her dart gun. With a pull of the trigger, a dart was lodged in the back of Dominique's calf, and she stopped struggling. Her mother crawled off her limp body.

But then the unthinkable happened. Actually, it was quiet thinkable, but we would like to assume that it would never happen freely.

Erik suddenly burst into the room, a cocked dart gun nestled into his arm, and aimed at the only conscious teacher in the room.

Rose was only able to mutter her final phrase of, "Oh snap," before being shot in the arm and falling backwards.

Christine gaped at her husband. "You tranquilized that child!"

Erik tried to look innocently back at his wife before striding quickly over and scooping up Rose, and slinging her over his shoulder.

"Is that bad?"

"We have both of the teachers for the class knocked out!"

The Phantom just stood there, trying to think of a suitable excuse or at least something he could say to calm the fury of his wife. Then he soon realized he did not care about the class and their lack of the ability to write.

"We'll just put Dominique and this thing," he shrugged his shoulder, calling attention to the girl thrown across his, "in a room together, and soon they'll get over their little feud and then they'll both come back and teach."

Christine huffed loudly, crossing her pale arms across her chest. "That is a lie. Dominique will kill Rose."

Erik didn't seemed fazed by this fact in any way. "Let's go, Christine," he said with authority as he stalked out of the room.

Christine seemed insulted, but turned around and scooped up her daughter none-the-less before walking out of the room and towards the door at the end of the hallway labeled "Guidance Counselor'.

Luckii.Jinx watched as all the Giry Clones exited the room, leaving the students unattended.

"I think one of our teachers will die," she said quietly.

"My money's on Dominique for killing Rose," Brita said flatly.

"Let's follow and spy on them!" Serey said suddenly. Everyone turned towards her.

"But…this is a fic where we just learn how to write!" Child Writing Prodigy exclaimed.

"Actually, it's just titled Parody of the Century. Therefore we're allowed to do anything we want," Kloolk said, nodding.

Everyone considered this, and soon, all the phangirls filed out the door, intent on stalking them.

**0o0o0o0o**

**A/N: **Our two teachers will be forced to confront their differences. Dominique's kitties are in danger. Who will live? Who will die? Who the heck writes stuff like this?

Tune in for the next chapter! (And review!)


	3. Chapter 3

Hello, it's Supergirrl, the coauthor of this fic, here to reply to your reviews! Dominique thanks you, and in return, probably won't Punjab you, but I can't guarantee anything.

Kidding, of course.

Not really.

Serey-Sass-I'm glad you like this, and your theory is pretty cool.

Gerikslover-Drama? I've been called a drama queen, but have never actually written drama! The cheesy announcer guy is awesome.

Moriko Csove Doyle- Your name is a real bitch to type out, you know that?

You'll make a wonderful character, I'm sure. Yes, we love tranquilizer guns.

FemmeLoki- You got that right. Dominique may or may not kill you.

She's like Erik, but with PMS, personality-wise.

Mr. Gerard Butler- Yeah, horses! I have horses, and ride them too! Do you do dressage or jumping? The Friesan is definitely allowed.

Insane-Sure, you can be in it. To fully understand the significance of Dominique's cats, you have to read her story, Frai Du Diable. Guinea pigs rock.

Luckii.Jinx-That's a great line, total agreement.

Phantom of the Basket-Yep you're in it. You like it, I assume?

Nanotech- We're glad you like it. Yes, there is danger in the air.

LostBluePhantom-You're in. Christine is a bit abused by writers, I agree.

Halt At X- Another dressage rider, I take it? When you write a parody, nothin is certain…

SpringDaze-The title says it all.

**0o0o0o0o0o0**

Rose regained consciousness first.

When she saw that her head was resting on the calf of the still-unconscious Dominique, she gave a little yelp of surprise before jumping away, curling up into the far corner in an attempt to put as much space between her and the deranged Lady Phantom possible.

Outside the small room, all the students were peering anxiously through the small peephole on the door of the room Dominique and Rose were enclosed in. Several had already placed bets over who would live and die, but the rest were more concerned over how they would learn to write if one or more of their teachers were dead.

Meanwhile, Erik sat slumped in his chair as Christine paced through the observation room, ranting about something. Erik couldn't have actually cared less about whatever it was she seemed so concerned about, but he nodded every few seconds and said," Uh-huh., and "I agree completely.", trying to sound like he was actually paying attention.

Christine stopped suddenly, breathing hard, then turned to glare at him. Erik put on his best I-didn't-do-it face, "What's wrong?"

"You just agreed wholeheartedly that I should leave you, marry Raoul, and put Dominique in a convent."

"I did?"

"You also thought that my plan to give you to the phangirls was very 'uh-huh'. Are you listening to me at all?"

"Define listening."

Christine wondered why, exactly, she had ever thought that marrying this guy was a good idea.

Rose was staring at Dominique's unconscious form, waiting for her to wake up and attack. While doing this, however, she noticed that Dominique had very nice hair. It was thick, black and was tied neatly in a tight Madame Giry-esque braid.

You see, Rose liked messing with peoples' hair, and doing weird things to it.

She didn't find it at all odd that one of her major joys in life, aside from writing parodies and making fun of Erik, was playing with the hair of murderous Phantoms.

Her mind working furiously, Rose calculated that Dominique had been hit with four darts, and would stay unconscious for at least fifteen minutes longer. That would give her plenty of time to do some serious hair-messing.

The students watched with horror as the young child crawled over to the unconscious Phantom nearly twice her size, unwound her hair from the braid, and began to tease it into spikes.

Ten Minutes Later

Dominique groaned slightly as she cracked open one eye. Her head was pounding, and she felt like she had a hangover. She tried to remember what had happened the night before. Had she broken into Erik's leftover whiskey stores again?

Wait a second, she could see her hair, pooling on the floor around her head.

Dominique sat up with a start, knocking the small child off of her back. "What the hell were you doing?"

Rose tried to look innocent as she picked herself up off the floor, taking care not to expose any vulnerable body parts to the Lady Phantom.

"Where you playing with my hair?"

"Maybe."

Surprisingly, Dominique did not lunge at her and/or attempt to strangle Rose with her Punjab. Instead, she pulled herself into a cross-legged position.

Rose cocked her head as she asked, "Why do you hate people so much?"

Dominique wordlessly reached up and unfastened her veil, letting it fall to the floor.

Rose screamed.

Christine screamed, since she was watching this through a camera.

The students scream.

Erik struggled against the ropes at his ankles and wrists.

Random people who had magically popped into the story screamed.

Very far away, Paris Hilton screamed for no real reason. She just wanted publicity, and randomly shrieking her head off seemed like a good way to get some.

Sighing, Dominique re-attached her veil, and immediately the screaming stopped. "Does that answer your question?"

Rose, still visibly shaken, nodded. After a moment of silence, she asked, "Is it true that you can imitate anyone's voice?"

Dominique nodded.

"Anyone on Earth?"

Another nod.

"Even me?"

"Yup."

"Do my voice, then."

Dominique grinned evilly, and opened her mouth to sing.

------

This is, of course, when the screaming began again.

Okay, actually, only the students/phangirls, Paris Hilton and Erik were screaming. Rose was staring at Dominique like a retarded mosquito stares at a light. She was now sitting.

Erik was screaming because Christine was punishing him for not listening by making him listen to Kidz Bop 11.

…And Paris Hilton was screaming because someone thought she might have been over-dosing from all her pills, alcohol, and cocaine, so they randomly pulled out a pair of shock paddles, attacked her with it, and shouted "CLEAR!"

Christine seemed very proud that her daughter could actually sing something that relatively innocent.

The students were screaming _because _Dominique was singing something that relatively innocent.

It was very scarring.

But then the pain ended, because she closed her mouth.

Dominique did seem to notice that that the "inconspicuous" screaming in the hallway continued. The sedation of her four darts kept her from instant murderous behavior. But she did uncoil from her sitting position cattishly, stalk over to the door, and throw it open, putting on her best don't-make-me-have-to-kill-you face.

What she didn't know is this would increase the screaming.

And pulling out her jab that is pun didn't help much either.

The Opera Ghostess considered just standing there and letting all the phangirls shriek their girly lungs out until they eventually lost their voices, but then she figured it would take at least half an hour, and she'd go crazy by then.

She put the punjab away. The screaming went down an octave.

She took off her homicidal expression to one of emotionless-ness. The screaming went down another octave.

She attempted to smile. The screaming went up another three octaves. She wiped the smile off her face.

"Calm down," the Lady Phantom ordered. Most of them silenced instantly, except Halt at X and SpringDaze.

SpringDaze was staring unblinkingly at Dominique's head. "Your hair…"

The spawn of the spawn of the devil instantly put her hands on her head. Her jaw dropped.

"One of you little worms had better have a mirror."

All of the phangirls instantly fumbled around their pockets/purses/handbags for a compact. The girl who's name is a real pain to type out (Morko Cservo Dieo or whatever), which we will from now on all Brita, thrusted a small mirror at the girl, then took a considerable amount of paces back.

Actually, everyone took a considerable amount of steps backs.

Dominique lifted up the mirror to see her hair. It was not a pretty sight.

Rose had definitely tried a certain design. Like she'd tried to spike it at first, but then thought she could do something with one spike. It was very poufy at the bottom, then curled up into a spike-ish thing, which tipped over and had a small bun on the end. She had many lose locks of hair, due to the fact she'd thrown Rose off before she could finish.

A Santa hat.

This is, of course, when the sedation decided to wear off.

Dominique turned around, and glared pure, sharpened, poisoned daggers at the small child that was standing again.

Small-and-Doomed's eyes went very large, and she backed herself into her little corner again, making herself as tiny as possible.

Erik, who was watching through the cameras, began cheering his daughter on.

The phangirls, on the other hand, began yelling phrases to stop the deathly rage of the Phantomess.

"Don't kill her! We'll never learn to write, and you'll never figure out where your cats are!" Nanotech yelled, yanking Dominique's arm in an attempt to keep her from committing childslaughter.

"You want to learn to write?" Lady Phantom snarled. "Here's a tip. When writing anything with Cameos, make sure they all hate small children."

Amazingly, everyone took out their notebooks and scribbled that down.

She yanked her arm again. "I won't let you kill her."

It didn't work, and in 3.5 seconds, Nanotech was smashing through three walls.

After that everyone just basically gave up and decided the over-annoying little kid was just not worth it.

Except Halt at X. She rushed past the female and stood in front of the midget.

"I can't let you kill her."

"I wasn't _going _to kill her. Then I'd never get my cats back. I was going to torture the information out of her, _then _kill her."

"…I can't let you kill her."

The phangirls were looking back and forth from the arguers. Right now it was Dommi's turn to speak. All eyes were intently on her.

"And why not?"

The eyes went to Halt.

"Because I bet 10 dollars that she would live."

The eyes went back to Dommi.

"I thought you didn't bet!"

Halt.

"I don't, but this was too easy. It was 100-to-1 for Rose's survival. 10 bucks could make me a fortune!"

Dominique ceased conversation by pulling out her punjab and taking a few very dangerous steps forward. This is the part where we mention that Dominique is taller then Halt.

Halt held her ground for a few moments, but then broke under the harsh glare and ran away.

Leaving the little girl unprotected in her corner.

"KILL HER!!!" Erik cheered happily, still tied down to his chair. Christine got up and ran to the door to open it and try and save the kid, but found it was locked. Erik wasn't as stupid as he looked.

"Do something, Shrimpett!" Insane yelled, and the Rose did the only thing she could do to keep herself alive.

She got up very quickly, ran over to Dominique, and hugged her leg.

The phangirls' jaws hit the floor. Except Basket, because she fainted.

Christine's jaw hit the floor. Erik fainted.

A random Mme. Giry clone in the hallway who was watching it through the peephole fainted.

Paris Hilton died. But not because of Rose. Because the pills, drugs, alcohol, and electric shock killed her. But no one really cares.

The person writing this story fainted.

**0o0o0o0o0o0**

**A/N: **Odd place for a cliff-hanger, I know, but hey. That's just me. This is BTR, and due to the rules of sharing a pimpage parody story, I have to write the beginning of the next chapter, too. Eventually you'll be so sick of me that you'll have Supergirrl write everything, but until then, you're stuck with me! Bwahaha!

How will Dommi react? Who will bury Paris Hilton? Why again are we writing this?

R, to the E, to the V-I-E-W: REVIEW!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Hi, guys! Enjoying being back in school/work? Ha. Not that anyone is. I'll be quick on pre-story writing-ness.

I would like everyone reading this who writes parodies to consider partnering up with someone else and writing a cameo parody. It's very entertaining to see what your partner will do to your character.

It's like Whose Line, but written.

Oh darn. I've already messed up my fingernail polish from typing. Ah well. Review-thanking time!

**Moriko Csove Doyle**: Well, at least you're not offended. It was just so darn long. It'll end up being Brita or Skipper. Happy Kristmakuh!

**Mrs. Gerard Butler**: Okay, it's Supergirrl writing this one. I've never done hunt seat, having been trained as a dressage/jumper who taught herself the basics of Western-And ended up being pretty good at it. It's not that different, right? Okay, we'll change the boot thing (While you're at it, do you want an Albion saddle to use during your stay in POC?)

**Nanotech**: I did the magic "click a random reviewer" thing again. Yours came up. Sorry. Stupid Paris.

**FemmeLoki**: Wow. A whole two people sympathize/feel sorry for/like Dommi. You're an original!

**Supergirrl**: Hey, you designed them, I just type out my halves. Does seem like a normal family, though.

**PhantomoftheBasket**: Aww, someone had too much candy. You put those socks back on right now, missy. : D Peace Basket.

**Serey-Sass**: Wow. They're anxious!

**Halt at X**: This is Supergirrl here. Do I ride dressage? That's like asking fish if they swim. When I first read your name, I immediately thought," Halt, salute, proceed working trot." I've been riding since I was five, and was trained as a dressage rider, although I am a good jumper and Western rider. Dude, I feel your pain, I have a ten-year-old Thoroughbred with a heart of gold and good intentions, who unfortunately is scared easily and quite clumsy. Just today, we were trotting along quite nicely when he tripped over those stupid oxygen molecules that always seem to get in his way, causing him to fall onto his knees. My head hit his neck pretty hard, but that was child's play compared to the bucking fit he gave me two weeks ago when water coming out of a gutter made a splattering sound, causing him to gallop and buck at the same time! Fun, fun. What's your horse's name? My boy's Captain, but I still ride my Quarab mare, Treasure, who's perfect in every way except she thinks that she's vastly superior to all humans, and is smart enough to trick me, so I'm constantly thwarting her attempts to jump something.

Mkay then. Give me a minute so I can remember where I left off…

Ah! Now then, story time!

PS: You're going to be confused. I, BTR, was confused. SG was confused. But it's fine.

0o0o0o0o0o0

Well, as many suspected, this wasn't something the Lady Phantom had prepared herself for.

Actually, she hadn't prepared herself for any means of 'attack'. She thought nine-year-old children were completely harmless.

So she obviously never saw Home Alone.

Suddenly, time froze for the two non-important members of this story; AKA the 'teachers'.

A random little man with an odd British accent appeared and shoved all the girls (minus the teachers) inside a sack and threw them in a cart before shouting gleefully, "Now we're taking a fun little trip into the twisted mind of Dominique Destler! Please keep all hands, feet, and weaponry inside the imaginary car at all times."

And then the cart shrunk to the size of a ink-drop, many girls screamed, except for the other "Woo-hoo" from the Madame Giry clone that was hitchhiking. It lifted into the air and floated around for a little bit before floating into the head of the taller teacher.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Oddly enough, her brain was very organized. It was shaped like a sort of library. It was basically a huge spiral staircase (except the stairs were flat ground) with file cabinets and doors attached to the walls. Going from the very top to the very bottom, in the dead center, was a long metal pole, like a firemen pole. The floor they were on was the People section.

She had it in two categories: Whom I wish to kill, and whom I do not wish to kill.

One was much larger then the other. Guess which one.

The girls managed to escape the bag, and they all looked around in awe.

There were hundreds on Dominiques rushing around, apparently looking for something. They all seemed desperate.

The cart stopped, and all the girls filed out. They all crowded closely to each other, wondering if the term "safety in numbers" actually meant anything.

"We'll be back for you soon!" the hitchhiking Mme. Giry Clone model 3.50 called out happily before she and the random British man rushed off, leaving the students all alone in the perilous wilds of Dominique's brain.

"So…" Serey spoke up, breaking the silence. "We're all screwed, aren't we?"

Her head suddenly turned 90 degrees, revealing another head. "Well, aren't you the downer! Try to be optimistic!"

It turned another 90 degrees, banishing Sass and bringing Serey back again. "Well, exc-u-u-u-se me! I'm just stating the obvious!"

As the two-faced psychotic phangirl argued with her other half, all the other girls backed away, making, "They're crazy!" gestures in the air.

Mrs. Gerald Butler leaned over the rail and peered down into the deep obis, spying the blazing fire at the bottom. The 'memory deleter.'

"How about we split up, and then all meet back up again in the," she paused to squint and look at the name of a floor a couple feet under them, "Why My Mom Is Stupid floor?"

Everyone agreed, wanting to explore the miracle of the Phantomess mind.

Basket and her buddy Skipper/Brita/Girl Whose Name Is A Pain To Write quickly climbed up onto the rail, turned around, and hoisted themselves onto the floor above. They noticed a large and dusty door titled Lame Lectures From Dad.

Suddenly, they heard the hurried footsteps on the Inner Dominiques.

"Which one is it?" one called. Another responded.

"Look in the lectures floor!"

Realizing that being spotted spelled D-O-O-M for the students, the girls doubled back and scrambled up the rail again, going another floor up.

This one had a bunch of loose papers and a Pointless Movies door. They threw it open just in time to see a screen with two couches on it; green and white. The green sofa started talking.

"Ford?"

"Yes, Arthur?"

"I think I'm a sofa."

"I get that feeling."

The girls slammed the door shut before the pieces of furniture began screaming bloody freaking painful Hitcher/Gustave-caused murder.

FemmeLoki was having better (or worse, depending on your opinion) luck. She managed to pick the lock of one door labeled Retarded Music, and opened it.

But, alas, when she did, Sarah Brightman's voice filled the air! The poor girl doubled over in pain and began crawling away, trying to close it before the utter torment of Gerard Butler's singing, or Jessica Simpson, or even the horrors of NSYNC came next.

Supergirrl and BlackTippedRose were both rushing down the spiraling hell, being pursed by I.D. (Inner Dommis). They were soon caught, and thrown into the giant fire for being in a story they weren't allowed to be in.

ChildWritingProdigy (CWP) and Luckii.Jinx were standing in front of a barred, chained, and locked up door labeled Dominique's Kind Emotions. They were mildly amused by the fact that the door appeared to be made out of adamantium, and was about four inches tall.

Now, you see, Luckii was a bit of a pyro. She had a pack of dynamite in her back pocket with a button timer. She took the explosive out, and attached it to the door.

"Dare me to blow it up now and free the happy?" she asked her friend, CWP. The other girl shook her head.

"Nah. Let's wait until we're back in the real world, and we're in danger."

The two girls shook on it, and Luckii slipped the button back into her pocket, grinning evilly.

LostBluePhantom, who had managed to sedate Serey-Sass by hitting her with a mallet, was currently standing in front of a large door that seemed very cleaned, and had in big bold letters printed on it, My Idol.

"This could scar me forever," she mumbled quietly, but pushed it open anyway.

Inside was a live-action screen with a man walking around. He had scraggly hair, amazing blue eyes, and a cane. Another person, a doctor, seemed to be following him, saying along the lines of "does a light come on whenever I have food?". The man agreed sarcastically.

"Green light for food, orange for drinks, and black for improper thoughts. That last one burns out every few days."

Scarred for life, as she predicted, LostBluePhantom shut the door.

She was about to go wander again to find something less…disturbing, when a siren went off.

"We have intruders! They're spreading around!" An I.D. yelled, and suddenly all the phangirls were cured of whatever happened to them and went rushing to the Why My Mother Is Stupid floor, where the random little man and the Giry Clone waited.

"Hurry it up!" he called, honking the annoying horn, which sounded like a dying duck. "We have to go!"

All the girls hopped in, and the cart went off flying, managing to escape.

The alpha Inner Dommi slowly arrived at the floor the phangirls rushed off of.

"Did they escape?" she asked an official. The official nodded glumly.

"Did you catch any?"

"Two, ma'am. They've been disposed of."

"Good, good….did you find the Child Exterminator lecture?"

The official nodded.

"Even better. Put it into the main memory base. Let's get rid of that pest."

So the official scrambled off, holding the memory file in her hands tightly. She went to the big computer and shoved the paper file into the scanner, then pressed the "Scan" button.

----------

Unbeknownst to anyone, including LuckiiJinx, the button that controlled the explosives attached to the door of Kind Emotions had fallen from her pocket, and had magically made its way beneath the scan button.

For those of you who are kind of slow when it comes to reading, this meant that when the official Inner Dominique pressed the button that she thought would scan the memory, it actually set off the bomb that would destroy the door holding in Dominique's kind emotions.

The official couldn't have picked a worse time to hit the button, since as she pressed it, two characters tumbled from one of Supergirrl's other stories into this one. The two winged teenage girls were sparring, and the considerably smaller redhead was losing. Not willing to admit her defeat, she shot a huge bolt of lightning at the other girl, which missed and hit the School for Good Fanfiction Writing, causing all the lighting fixtures inside the building to explode and the power to go out.

The two hovered in the air, staring at the massive cloud of smoke that was billowing from the building. Without saying anything, the two turned and returned back to their own story to attend a meeting for their support group, called Teenage Girls With Guy Names, which had a grand total of three members: Will from W.i.t.c.h., Sam from Phantom Stallion, and Max from Maximum Ride. Her younger counterpart from the books 'When the Wind Blows' and 'The Lake House', the twelve-year-old Max, would be arriving today, and they were planning on initiating her into their society in a very cool ceremony involving creepy caves and chests of pirate gold they had stolen from a Disney prop truck. The support group meetings usually began with them whining about the difficulties of being a leader, then working their way up to a competition to see who had the hottest boyfriend (Usually Max won, with her two sexy male sidekicks, but lately Will had been winning, since Matt now had his dead-sexy Shagon morph.) Since Will and Max were the leaders, being the oldest-Even though Sam was actually two years older than Will, both girls suspected that she had sustained some sort of brain damage from repeatedly falling off her horse/being kicked in the head by aforementioned horse, so they lied and said that Will and Max were both sixteen, since they could both pass as being older, they had to get there early to get the pirate gold set up.

Anyway, since the power was out, no one noticed how Dominique and Rose both went into convulsions for about thirty seconds, then went back to normal, before Erik, having worked his way free of the chains, lit a match and held it in the air, illuminating the room.

Christine blinked at her husband's masked face that looked even creepier in the flame's light, before wordlessly pulling out her ring of keys and unlocking the door.

The two stepped out into the dark hallway, walking down towards the last known location of the students and their daughter hand-in-hand. Erik smiled at Christine, saying, "This kind of brings back memories, doesn't it?"

She rolled her eyes, and replied, "Because I really want to remember you hypnotizing me, kidnapping me, and dragging me down to your cave in a stupid sewer. My friend Christine from the original novel says that when she got kidnapped, her Erik had a house, and a whole bedroom for her, not just an ugly swan bed. Plus, she got to be blonde and pretty, and so was-"

Erik cut in, "Did she tell you about how I don't have a nose and smelled like death in the original novel?"

Giving him a distasteful look, she snapped back at him, " That would actually be an improvement. And besides, I thought I took all your matches away."

Erik was distracted, since he was trying to navigate through a dark hallway. "Yeah, you did confiscate, actually. You put them right next to Dominique's arsenic, and all my morphine. And the bombs, if I remember correctly."

Christine glared at him. Erik sighed, and muttered under his breath, "Oh, crap."

Meanwhile, the students were gently poking Dominique's body, not wanting to irritate her when she woke up.

Rose was being prodded far less gently, since she couldn't really inflict any damage. When it dawned on her that this wasn't working, LostBluePhantom shouted, "Look, it's Johnny Depp, coming this way without a shirt on!"

Almost immediately, both girls sat bolt upright, looking around desperately and asking, "Where is he?"

When Luckii.Jinx poked Rose one last time a bit too hard, Rose startled everyone by snarling, "Touch me again, and I'll throttle you with my bare hands! And when you're dead, I'll use your body as a desk and keep pencils in your nostrils!"

Everyone stared at Rose, at a complete loss for what to do.

The child growled, "What are you looking at, you giant freaks?"

Dominique patted Rose on the shoulder, and said in a soothing voice, "Rose, we must remember the value of all human life, and that violence is not the answer. I'm sure we'd all love to help Rose get on the path to eternal happiness and niceness, right, guys?" She smiled up at the students. They couldn't see her mouth through the veil, but the smile reached her eyes, which twinkled affectionately.

This was probably the most terrifying event that any student had ever witnessed.

None of them could speak, although Phantom of the Basket managed a squeak. Dominique said in the same soft, soothing voice, "And I would really appreciate it if you guys stopped calling me the Phantom of the Opera, and used my real title, the Long Lost Queen of Happy Rainbow Pony and Flower Land!"

With that, she pulled Rose into a tight hug. Rose struggled wildly, biting and clawing like an animal in her attempt to free herself.

Christine and Erik were still wandering through the hallway, unable to find the students or their daughter, mostly because neither of them were looking at where they were going. Instead, Christine was saying, "Erik, we really should stop and look at my map. Or ask directions, there has to be somewhere around here who knows how to find them."

Erik replied, "Christine, darling, I know exactly where we're going, there's no need to stop and look at your map."

She frowned. "That's odd, I have a strong feeling that we're going in circles."

Erik was not about to admit that he, the Phantom of the Opera, the Opera Ghost, the Red Death, Don Juan Triumphant, the self-declared King of the Underworld, could not find his way through a bunch of hallways, answered, "We are not lost, honey, and we are not going in circles."

Glancing at his match, he realized that it wouldn't last much longer, maybe another minute or two. He felt a tiny bit of worry pass through him; What if he couldn't get them out? Sighing, he said, "It's no use, the match is about to burn out."

Christine smiled sadly. "Erik, don't you know that love is always brightest in the dark?"

She leaned towards him, her mouth puckered up. Erik bent down, and suddenly, the match went out.

Almost immediately, dozens of blue crystals sprinkled across the ceiling lit up, and began to glow.

Christine pulled away from Erik, who groaned, before she said, "Wow, I'm glad I borrowed those from that Avatar show. They really come in handy."

Erik craned his neck, trying to read the message the glowing crystals spelled out. Speaking slowly, he read, "Your…..daughter…is….that way….you moron. Hey, I'm not a-"

Christine grabbed his arm and ran down the hallway in the direction that the sarcastic crystals were telling them to go.

They were not prepared for the scene that they encountered, which was their daughter wrapping the psychotic little child in a warm embrace, snuggling her like a long-lost sister.

The students were staring in horror, not sure what to do. Erik froze, wanting very much to barf his lungs up.

Christine, knowing the she was the only sane on in the room, pulled out her tranquilizer gun and fired off a round into both Dominique and Rose.

Dominique released Rose, and as the worried students crowded around them, she reached up, patting one on the cheek and saying in a dreamy voice, "I love you guys….I love you so much…"

Then, very faintly, she heard someone sing:

_Who can make the sun rise?_

_Who can make the sun rise?_

_Sprinkle it with dew?_

_Sprinkle it with dew?_

_The Candy Man…. _

_The Candy Man can!_

_The Candy Man…._

_The Candy Man can!_

Dominique was skipping through a field of wildflowers, spinning around, with happy little bunnies and elves dancing in circles around her, with a few hopping mushrooms thrown in for good measure. Flowers rained from the sky, which was a shocking shade of pink. Purple and blue fireworks were going off in the distance, and butterflies flew around her, singing happy butterfly songs with pixies as back-up dancers. The bunnies and elves started a kick-line, dancing in time with the singing butterflies. Suddenly, one of the mushrooms leapt up into the air, morphed into one of her kittens, and grabbing a bunny, whacked her in the face with it.

Dominique passed out.

0o0o0o0o0o0

A/N: The Lady Phantom is kind. The Bundle of Sunshine isn't.

If you're reading this, that means you managed to survive the very long chapter above. You're starting out with Supergirrl again for the beginning of the next one, so shall we see what happens next?

PS: In order of mentioned: Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, House, W.I.T.C.H., Phantom Stallion, Maximum Ride, Pirates of the Caribbean, Avatar.

Review, or…Rose will…attack you…?


End file.
